Beaumont and Beasley: The Musical! (PARODY, humor, not actually a thing)
Following up from yesterday’s exciting Wattpad announcement, I am overjoyed to reveal that Beaumont and Beasley is being adapted into a Broadway musical. I can’t say this is something I planned for the series when I first developed it, but hey; I’m always happy to diversify my platform.
The songs will be composed by Alan Menken…sort of. I have reached a cost-saving arrangement with Disney that will allow me to recycle melodies of songs that Mr. Menken has already written. Recycling is all the rage at Disney these days, after all.
Here’s an exclusive sneak peek at the lyrics for some of the songs!
(to the tune of “Belle”)
I’m extremely sorry
But this toad’s
Not your fiancé
Magic isn’t real
That I guarantee…
I don’t know why we haven’t got more business
Perhaps I’ve done my work too well
By exposing all the frauds
Have I cost myself a job
In this superstitious town of Talesend?
Find the Rose
(to the tune of “Be Our Guest”)
Find the rose!
Find the rose!
Might be magical, who knows?
Yes, I know it sounds suspicious
Good thing you’re not superstitious!
Here’s a map
Here’s your pay
Get to work and don’t delay
And tomorrow we’ll be off to Villeneuve!
I know you don’t like me,
But you’re out of money
So find the rose
Find the rose
Find the rose!
What’s Wrong With You?
(to the tune of “Something There”)
What’s wrong with you?
Are you insane?
Why would you stab me with a thorn? I’m in such pain!
And now you’re gone…probably dead.
I don’t feel quite myself; I think I’ll go to bed.
(to the tune of “Gaston”)
Beastly as Nick
But his skull is quite thick
No one clings to their stubborn denial like Nick!
Even faced with the face in the mirror
He’s determined that it’s all a dream
Though the proof could not be any clearer
Good luck making him see things are just as they seem!
Hairy as Nick
Or contrary as Nick
Yes, he’s a regular magical agnostic!
He’s been stabbed with a thorn, now his worldview’s crumbling,
Nick, give it up,
You’re a Beast.
Disney Got It Wrong
(to the tune of “Beauty and the Beast”)
Tale retold again
Not the one you’ve heard
Fewer dancing spoons
Slightly more absurd
Clear your TBR
This series will be long
Good luck with that curse
True love’s kiss won’t work
Disney got it wrong
I’m an evil man
With a fiendish plan
Disney got it wrong.
Yes, I turned “Beauty and the Beast” into a villain song for myself. Yes, I’m weird.
Note: This is a parody. The Beaumont and Beasley musical is not a thing. Any resemblance to actual songs, written or unwritten, is deliberate and brazen. My only excuse for this is that I may possibly have watched too many Melinda Kathleen Reese videos recently. They do something to your brain. In a good way.
If you don’t know what the heck is going on here but would like to find out (you’re so brave!), check out The Beast of Talesend, Book 1 of Beaumont and Beasley, on Amazon. It’s just $0.99!